By aussiematesvietnam 
Understanding Vietnamese Etiquette in Restaurants and Social Settings
G’day mates! Aussie Mates here, your guide to all things Vietnam. After nearly two decades of calling this vibrant country home with my lovely wife Tracy, I reckon we’ve learned a thing or two about navigating the local customs. Nothing can make or break your Vietnam experience faster than understanding (or misunderstanding) the social etiquette. Today, I’ll share some insights on how to handle yourself in Vietnamese restaurants and social settings without making a complete galah of yourself.
[IMAGE:vietnamese-restaurant]
The Basics of Vietnamese Social Etiquette
Before we dive into the specifics of restaurant behaviour, let’s cover some ground rules. Vietnamese culture is steeped in respect and politeness – values that trace back thousands of years to Confucian principles. I remember when Tracy and I first arrived, we were like fish out of water. The locals were too polite to point out our faux pas, but we certainly made our share of blunders!
First off, Vietnamese society operates on a respect hierarchy based on age and status. Elders are always respected and deferred to in social situations. This isn’t just lip service – it’s demonstrated in everything from seating arrangements to who gets served first at meals.
Public displays of affection are generally frowned upon. Even after all these years, Tracy and I keep handholding to a minimum and save the smooching for private. You’ll notice Vietnamese couples don’t typically engage in physical contact in public – something quite different from what we’re used to back in Australia.
Restaurant Etiquette That’ll Save You Embarrassment
Dining out in Vietnam is a whole different ball game compared to grabbing a parmy at your local pub. Here’s what you need to know to dine like a local:
Seating Arrangements
When you’re invited to a meal, don’t just plonk yourself down anywhere. There’s typically a seating hierarchy, with the most respected or eldest guests seated in positions of honour – usually facing the entrance. As a foreigner, you might be given this spot as a courtesy, but it’s polite to hesitate before accepting.
Tracy once made the mistake of sitting in what turned out to be the family patriarch’s chair at a local friend’s home. There were no hard feelings, but we quickly learned to wait to be directed to our seats. When in doubt, just hover awkwardly until someone points you to the right spot – trust me on this one!
[IMAGE:vietnamese-dining]
Chopstick Etiquette
Chopsticks aren’t just eating utensils; they’re loaded with symbolic meaning. Here are some crucial do’s and don’ts:
- Don’t stick your chopsticks vertically into your rice bowl – this resembles incense sticks at a funeral and is considered bad luck
- Don’t tap your chopsticks on bowls or plates – it’s considered to bring poverty
- Don’t point with chopsticks or wave them about while talking
- Do place chopsticks neatly on the chopstick rest when not using them
- Do use the opposite end of your chopsticks (the end you’re not eating with) when taking food from a shared plate
After embarrassing myself numerous times, I finally got the hang of it. If you’re truly hopeless with chopsticks like I was initially, it’s perfectly acceptable to ask for a fork – much better than launching a piece of pork across the restaurant!
Sharing is Caring
Vietnamese meals are communal affairs. Individual ordering, like we do back in Oz, isn’t the norm here in traditional settings. Instead, several dishes are ordered for the table and shared among everyone.
When Tracy and I host friends, we typically order a variety of dishes – a soup, a few meat options, vegetables, and rice. Everyone takes small portions from the shared plates onto their own small plate or bowl. This approach lets you sample a bit of everything rather than committing to one dish.
A word of caution: don’t pile your plate high on the first go. Take small portions, and you can always have more later. Leaving food on your plate isn’t considered wasteful here – it actually shows your host provided more than enough.
[IMAGE:shared-meal]
The Bill Ballet
Paying the bill in Vietnam often turns into an elaborate dance of politeness. In social settings, the person who extended the invitation typically pays. If you’re the inviter, resist any attempts from others to contribute – it’s a matter of pride and face.
If you want to pay, be prepared for some resistance. I’ve seen actual physical tussles over who gets to pay the bill! One effective strategy Tracy and I have employed is quietly paying at the counter while excusing yourself to “use the bathroom.” Sneaky? Maybe. Effective? Absolutely.
Tipping isn’t traditionally expected in Vietnam, but it’s becoming more common in tourist areas. In local places, rounding up the bill or leaving small change is appreciated but not required. In upscale restaurants catering to foreigners, a 5-10% tip is appropriate.
Drinking Customs
If you’re a fan of a cold beer like me, you’ll love Vietnam’s drinking culture, but there are some customs to observe. Beer, rice wine, and imported spirits flow freely at social gatherings, especially among men.
The most important rule: never drink alone! Drinking is a group activity punctuated by frequent toasts. When someone raises their glass, join in with a hearty “một, hai, ba, vô!” (one, two, three, cheers!) and clink glasses with everyone within reach. Try to position your glass slightly lower than an elder’s glass as a sign of respect.
I learned this lesson the hard way at a business dinner years ago. I absentmindedly sipped my beer during conversation, and our host good-naturedly but firmly explained that drinking without toasting was considered rude. Since then, I’ve embraced the communal “cheers” approach – your drink might get warm waiting for the next toast, but that’s part of the experience!
[IMAGE:vietnamese-toasting]
Navigating Social Settings Beyond Restaurants
Restaurant etiquette is just one aspect of social interaction in Vietnam. Here are some broader social customs that have served Tracy and me well over the years:
Gift-Giving Protocol
When invited to someone’s home, bringing a gift is customary. Fruit, quality tea, cookies, or imported chocolates are always welcome. Avoid giving handkerchiefs (associated with funerals), yellow flowers (symbolize death), or clocks (suggest time running out).
Present and receive gifts with both hands to show respect. Don’t be surprised if the recipient sets your gift aside without opening it – it’s considered polite to open gifts privately later.
Home Visit Etiquette
When visiting a Vietnamese home, always remove your shoes before entering. Look for the pile of shoes at the entrance – that’s your cue. Some homes have indoor slippers for guests, but don’t expect this everywhere.
If invited for a meal, arrive on time or just slightly late (5-10 minutes). Bringing something for the hosts’ children, if they have any, is always appreciated. Tracy usually brings small Australian souvenirs when we visit local friends – toy koalas and kangaroos have been big hits!
Handling Compliments and Questions
Vietnamese people might ask questions that seem personal by Australian standards – your age, marital status, income, or weight. These aren’t meant to be intrusive but are normal conversation starters here. Answer politely or deflect gently if uncomfortable.
When complimented, the Vietnamese typically deny or downplay the praise rather than saying “thank you.” For example, if someone compliments your Vietnamese language skills, the local response would be to say “No, no, my Vietnamese is still very poor.”
After nearly two decades here, I still find myself caught between Australian directness and Vietnamese modesty. I’ve settled on a hybrid approach – a humble “thank you” with a self-deprecating comment thrown in for good measure.
[IMAGE:vietnamese-home-visit]
The Concept of “Face”
One of the most crucial aspects of Vietnamese social interaction is understanding “face” – a person’s reputation, dignity, and prestige. Causing someone to “lose face” (embarrassment or shame) is a serious social misstep.
To preserve everyone’s face:
- Avoid public criticism or confrontation
- Don’t point out mistakes directly
- Control displays of anger or frustration
- Find ways to help others “save face” when problems arise
Tracy once had a minor disagreement with a tailor over a dress alteration. Instead of stating outright that the tailor had made a mistake, she framed it as “Perhaps I wasn’t clear about what I wanted” – allowing the tailor to fix the issue without losing face. This approach smoothed over what could have been an awkward situation.
Wrapping Up: It’s All About Respect
After my years in Vietnam with Tracy, I’ve come to realize that Vietnamese etiquette essentially boils down to showing respect – for elders, traditions, relationships, and the collective over the individual. While some customs might seem formal or complicated to us laid-back Aussies, embracing them opens doors to authentic connections with locals.
Don’t stress if you make mistakes – Vietnamese people are generally understanding with foreigners and appreciate genuine efforts to respect their culture. A smile, a humble attitude, and willingness to learn go a long way.
Vietnam has become our second home, and understanding these social nuances has transformed our experience from being perpetual tourists to becoming part of the community. So when you visit, give these customs a fair go – you might find, as we did, that there’s wisdom in these traditions that have stood the test of time.
Until next time, mates – hẹn gặp lại!
– Aussie Mates