By aussiematesvietnam 
Understanding Vietnamese Etiquette in Restaurants and Social Settings
G’day, fellow Aussies! Aussie Mates here, coming at you from the bustling streets of Vietnam where I’ve been calling home for nearly two decades now. Tracy and I have had our fair share of social blunders over the years, but we’ve also picked up the local customs that’ll help you navigate Vietnamese social situations like a pro. Whether you’re planning your first trip to this beautiful country or returning for another adventure, understanding the local etiquette will enhance your experience and earn you respect from the locals.
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The Basics of Vietnamese Greetings
When Tracy and I first arrived in Vietnam, we quickly learned that the traditional Western handshake doesn’t always cut it here. Vietnamese people typically greet each other with a slight bow and a smile. The younger person typically initiates the greeting to show respect to elders – a fundamental aspect of Vietnamese culture.
If you’re meeting someone for the first time, a handshake is acceptable, especially in business settings. However, wait for the Vietnamese person to extend their hand first. Women might not offer to shake hands, so follow their lead. A simple nod with hands clasped together or by your side is always a safe bet if you’re unsure.
Remember to use both hands when giving or receiving something, especially business cards or gifts. It’s a simple gesture that shows respect and has earned me many appreciative smiles over the years.
Restaurant Etiquette: More Than Just Chopsticks
Strewth, I remember my first attempt at using chopsticks in a local Vietnamese restaurant! The waiter politely offered a fork after watching me struggle, but I was determined to master the art. If you’re like me and not particularly skilled with chopsticks, don’t worry – most restaurants catering to tourists will have Western cutlery available.
However, it’s worth learning the basics:
- Never stick your chopsticks upright in a bowl of rice – this resembles incense sticks at a funeral and is considered bad luck
- Use the opposite end of your chopsticks (the clean end) to take food from shared dishes
- If there are serving utensils, use them instead of your personal chopsticks
- It’s polite to try a bit of everything offered in a shared meal
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Tracy and I have found that Vietnamese meals are wonderfully communal affairs. Unlike back home where everyone orders their own main, here dishes are shared family-style. Wait for the eldest or most senior person at the table to start eating before you dig in – it’s a sign of respect that goes a long way.
The Subtle Art of Paying the Bill
Here’s something that took us a while to get used to – the check isn’t usually brought to your table automatically. When you’re ready to leave, catch the server’s eye and make a writing motion in the air (mimicking signing a bill). Simple as that!
If you’re dining with Vietnamese friends, be prepared for a friendly argument over who pays the bill. In Vietnamese culture, the host or the person who extended the invitation typically covers the cost. If someone insists on paying, don’t put up too much of a fight – it’s considered rude to reject hospitality. Instead, thank them warmly and offer to pay next time.
A little insider tip from Tracy and me: if you really want to pay, excuse yourself during the meal and quietly settle the bill at the counter. Just be ready for your Vietnamese friends to be both surprised and possibly a bit embarrassed!
Social Hierarchies and Respect
Crikey, the social hierarchy in Vietnam is something I’m still navigating after all these years! Age and status matter significantly in Vietnamese social interactions. Elders are deeply respected, and this is reflected in the language, seating arrangements at meals, and who speaks first in conversations.
When addressing locals, it helps to understand the basic family-like terms used in conversation. People are often addressed by their given name preceded by a title that indicates their gender and approximate age relative to the speaker:
- Anh – older brother or male slightly older than you
- Chị – older sister or female slightly older than you
- Em – younger person (male or female)
- Cô – younger aunt (father’s side) or female teacher
- Chú – younger uncle (father’s side)
- Bác – older aunt or uncle (either parent’s side)
Tracy finds it endearing how, after all these years, we’re often addressed as “Bác” by younger Vietnamese folks – a sign of respect for our age (though it does make us feel a bit old)!
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Gift-Giving Customs
If you’re invited to a Vietnamese home (which is quite likely, as the locals are incredibly hospitable), bringing a small gift is appropriate. Fruit, quality tea, or small souvenirs from Australia always go down a treat. Avoid giving handkerchiefs, yellow flowers, or anything in sets of four, as these have negative associations in Vietnamese culture.
When presenting your gift, use both hands and be modest about it. Your Vietnamese host might not open it immediately – this isn’t rudeness but rather a custom to avoid appearing greedy or overly eager.
Taboo Topics in Conversation
While Aussies tend to be pretty straight-shooting in conversation, there are some topics best avoided in Vietnamese social settings. Politics, the Vietnam War (or “American War” as it’s known locally), and criticism of the government should generally be steered clear of unless initiated by your Vietnamese companions.
Tracy and I have found that safe conversation starters include asking about local food, expressing admiration for Vietnamese culture, discussing family (Vietnamese people are very family-oriented), or talking about your experiences in their country.
Public Behaviour and Attire
Public displays of affection beyond holding hands are generally frowned upon in Vietnam, especially in rural areas. While the younger generation in cities like Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh City are becoming more relaxed about this, it’s best to err on the side of caution.
When visiting religious sites or formal settings, modest dress is essential. For blokes, this means covering your shoulders and wearing long pants. For women, shoulders and knees should be covered. I’ll never forget Tracy being politely but firmly asked to wear a provided sarong at a temple when her skirt was deemed too short – a bit embarrassing but an important lesson!
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Finishing Up: The Art of Saving Face
“Saving face” is a crucial concept throughout Asia, including Vietnam. It essentially means avoiding embarrassment for yourself and others. This might involve being less direct with criticism, not pointing out mistakes publicly, or sometimes saying “yes” when you mean “maybe” or even “no” to avoid disappointing someone.
After living here for nearly 20 years, I’ve learned that a little white lie to preserve harmony is sometimes the kindest approach. As straightforward Aussies, this took some getting used to, but understanding this concept has smoothed countless social interactions for us.
Wrapping Up
There you have it, mates – a crash course in Vietnamese social etiquette from someone who’s been navigating it for two decades. While this might seem like a lot to remember, don’t stress too much. Vietnamese people are generally understanding of cultural differences and appreciate any effort to respect their customs.
The most important things to pack are a respectful attitude, a willingness to learn, and a sense of humor about your inevitable faux pas. Tracy and I have found that showing genuine interest in the culture and making an effort with the basics goes a long way in this wonderful country.
So grab your chopsticks, practice your bow, and get ready for some of the warmest hospitality you’ll ever experience. Vietnam’s waiting for you, and trust me, it’s worth every moment spent learning these customs.